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Witching hour or as we call it in our house, “Unhappy Hour,” is that time when parental exhaustion meets baby’s desire to list all of the wrongs of the universe at the loudest possible volume. Baby standard time dictates when this will occur. With my oldest, her wind up began around 4:30 p.m. so that by the time my spouse returned from work, I was in desperate need of a hand off and hot shower. With my middle guy, 6:00 p.m. marked the beginning of unhappy hour, meaning bedtime for the oldest was often a juggling act of bouncing an unhappy baby and corralling a overtired toddler. Whether it occurs at 4 or 8 p.m., this tricky hour (or three) requires a basket of tricks and Nested Mama’s got a basket ready for you. In this three part series, I’ll share with you my favorite resources, tips, and sanity promoting approaches to surviving unhappy hour. Last week in Part 2, I shared with you some ideas about relaxation and affirmation to alter your experience of stressful moments. This week in Part 3, I’m sharing my witching hour playlist - those songs that always make me move and smile.  The witching hour - that time every day when baby is done and you are done. And everyone is exhausted.
Sometimes this time of day calls for a tight swaddle and white noise. Sometimes this time of day calls for a walk outside. And, sometimes, it calls for an epic dance party. That’s right - sometimes you just need to dance it out. I find this to be even more the case as we add more children to our family and the toddlers and preschoolers hit the tricky time of day right alongside the baby and the adults. Weary of being asked to play quietly lest they wake the baby, older children love the chance to jump and dance through this time day. Dig out a couple flashlights, pull the curtains, and you have your own light show, too. Here is my playlist for making it through the witching hour and then safely to dinner and (hopefully) an early bedtime.
These songs not your brand of happy tunes? No problem. Build yourself your own witching hour playlist so it is just a click or a swipe away. Whatever you do, don't forget to boogie. Witching hour or as we call it in our house, “Unhappy Hour,” is that time when parental exhaustion meets baby’s desire to list all of the wrongs of the universe at the loudest possible volume. Baby standard time dictates when this will occur. With my oldest, her wind up began around 4:30 p.m. so that by the time my spouse returned from work, I was in desperate need of a hand off and hot shower. With my middle guy, 6:00 p.m. marked the beginning of unhappy hour, meaning bedtime for the oldest was often a juggling act of bouncing an unhappy baby and corralling a overtired toddler. Whether it occurs at 4 or 8 p.m., this tricky hour (or three) requires a basket of tricks and Nested Mama’s got a basket ready for you. In this three part series, I’ll share with you my favorite resources, tips, and sanity promoting approaches to surviving unhappy hour. Last week in Part 1, I shared with you some tips and tricks for making your way through this wonky time of day. This week, I’m sharing some ideas about relaxation and affirmation that can potentially alter your experience of the witching hour.  RelaxationWhen you think about the experience of the witching hour with a tiny little one, relaxation is probably the last word that comes to mind. Maybe you are thinking, Johanna, you are absolutely nuts for even trying to put relaxation in the same sentence, even the same zip code, as this dreaded time of day. I hear you. I really do. And it makes good biological sense - we are programmed to hear our babies cry and have a corresponding response. Everything about their crying compels us to tend to them and meet their needs. If you are like me, often that tending comes with tense shoulders up to my ears, fast breathing, and a tightness in my chest when I’m in the thick of a late afternoon with a cranky baby. As you pace the floor, rock, nurse, and bounce, your way through this time of day, you can also take a moment and a breath. Right now, I want you to breathe with me. A nice big breath expanding your belly. Good. Now slowly let it out. That feels good, right? If you practice yoga, you know how important breath can be to find a sense of calm inside you. When in the thick of the witching hour, take that good deep breath. Now, let it out. Notice the tightness in your neck. Send you next exhale there. Note your shoulders. Help them drop down with your exhale. And so forth. It sounds so simple on paper, but it takes a combined focus of body and mind. And, it really does make a difference. Often when my babies were small and restless in my arms, I found that progressively relaxing my own body helped them, too. And, any space of calm and positivity you can carve for yourself into an otherwise less than wonderful time of day is a very good thing. AffirmationWhen tired at the end of a long day of parenting or facing what seems like a desert of time between wake up from nap and bedtime, my thoughts become filled with “shoulds” and with the shoulds come lots of frustration.
A good affirmation can stop those thoughts and change the direction of my mind. And, it can provide me a powerful touchstone when the day’s parenting has been more than a wee bit rough. Here are a few of my favorites -
Learning to practice relaxation and dig into some meaningful affirmations is well worth the effort. This is true for the witching hour, but it is also applicable to many moments beyond that time of day and phase of tiny baby life. Toddler throwing a tantrum with full on face-plant in the bank lobby? Breathe in and out. This is not an emergency. Trying to make dinner but life is one diaper explosion after epic nursing session after diaper explosion? Take a deep breath. This is tricky, not tragic. Feeling overwhelmed by parenting decisions x, y, and z? Breathe. I am enough. Kiddo losing it because he dropped the last jelly bean into the wasteland that is the back seat of your car? (And, if you are wondering, yes, this did just happen.) Breathe deep into your belly. I make space for my child’s feelings. Whatever parenting or other challenges life is throwing at you, breathe with me. You got this.  At 20 months, my youngest child has transformed over the past 6 months from baby to toddler. While my older two are happy to head off to bed with some lullabies or an audiobook, Miss E still needs me close to relax and fall asleep. As we lie next to each other, eyes level and holding hands in the dark, she often surprises me with what she has to say in those moments before sleep.
[Silence for several minutes while lullabies play.] Me: [beginning to believe E is asleep, considering the best course for extracting my hand and ninja-ing away] E: “Sissy . . .sissy buckle self.” Me: [drawing my attention away from my plan to sneak away and trying to mentally place this sudden comment] E: "SISSY BUCKLE SELF." Me: “Yes, your sister buckles herself.” E: “Bubby buckle self.” Me: “Yes, Buddy buckles himself.” E: “Daddy, daddy buckle self.” Me: [wheels really turning by this point] “Yes, Daddy buckles himself.” E: “Mommy, Mommy . . .MOMMY!” Me: “Yes, E?” E; “Mommy buckle self.” Me: [understanding] “E, are you frustrated that you can’t buckle yourself in the car?” E: “Uh-huh.” Following her declarative “uh-huh,” she rolled over and drifted easily off to sleep. Meanwhile, I found myself wide awake in the dark, mind churning over the past weeks during which getting my toddler into and out of the car has been one of the more difficult points of every single day. We drive - a lot. Dropping off and picking up the older kids, running errands, visiting the library, and exploring playgrounds all mean getting in and out of the car seat many times a day. In the weeks before this late-night (by toddler standards) conversation, my formerly happy-to-be-traveling toddler began declaring “NO BUCKLE” at an ever-increasing volume and making it quite difficult to get her settled in her seat. As she is my third toddler, I’ve experienced this phase before, and I can handle it with some degree of calm. But, in my mind, the car seat kerfuffle had totally become a power struggle. On my side, the need to quickly and efficiently and safely get my littlest into the car. On her side, utter refusal to make quick or efficient or safe possible. I found myself battling increasing frustration with every car trip. But, as I sat there in the dark while she snored softly beside me, I realized that I had it wrong. All wrong. This wasn’t a power struggle. This was a child trying to communicate to me again and again with the tools at her disposal that buckles are a big deal and that doing it herself (like everyone else) really mattered. Buckling myself in doesn't seem like a hill to die on, but for her in that moment it was just that. If I’m honest, bedtime is far from my favorite point in the day. I’m tired, and I’m ready for a little adult conversation or the chance to read a book or write something without too much distraction. So these little chats my toddler loves to have before settling in don’t always strike me as the most treasured moment in the day. For example, she will want to discuss at length and with great repetition the pizza that we had for dinner several days ago, who ate it, and whether or not it is indeed all gone. While I strive to be the kind of parent who savors ALL THE MOMENTS, I know that in reality, no one can savor all the moments. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes I’m checked out. Sometimes I’m ready to be done for the day. But this little conversation about who gets to “buckle self” and the knowledge that it matters deeply to my toddler? That is a moment I will tuck in the pocket of my mind and revisit often. Not because it will suddenly make all the moments of car seat strife past, present, and future magically disappear or overlay with a rosy filter and soaring music. I will treasure this conversation because of what it means for me as mother and how I approach my children in a time of trouble - big or small. When I had my first child, I suddenly found access to a part of myself that I didn’t even know existed. This part has the capacity to love with more self-giving and more strength than anything I had ever imagined. This part of me also has the capacity to grow, meeting each of the challenges of parenting by stretching and expanding - often with intense growing pains but still working to grow into the kind of parent I truly want to be. This is the part of me I can turn to when standing opposite a red-faced toddler, stiff and screaming, in a busy parking lot. This is the part of me I can lean into and find empathy and calm in the face of frustration. This is place where I can come at a problem with collaboration, creativity, and humor. An essential piece of this is listening, really listening, to what my child is saying and hearing it without the one-sided narrative playing in my mind - that one-sided narrative that says the car seat standoff is about power. But, it’s not. Or rather, it doesn’t have to be. Not for me. Today, as I was getting my toddler zipped up to head out the car, I asked, “E, when we get to the car, can we buckle you in together?” She responded, “Uh-huh. Buckle.” She’s growing and learning. You want to know the best part? I’m growing and learning, too.  Witching hour or as we call it in our house, “Unhappy Hour,” is that time when parental exhaustion meets baby’s desire to list all of the wrongs of the universe at the loudest possible volume. Baby standard time dictates when this will occur.
With my oldest, her wind up began around 4:30 p.m. so that by the time my spouse returned from work, I was in desperate need of a hand off and hot shower. With my middle guy, 6:00 p.m. marked the beginning of unhappy hour, meaning bedtime for the oldest was often a juggling act of bouncing an unhappy baby and corralling a overtired toddler. Whether it occurs at 4 or 8 p.m., this tricky hour (or three) requires a basket of tricks and Nested Mama’s got a basket ready for you. In this three part series, I’ll share with you my favorite resources, tips, and sanity promoting approaches to surviving unhappy hour. Part I: 7 Tips & Tricks to Survive the Witching Hour
Got any witching hour tips? Share them in the comments below. Looking for postpartum support? Learn more about Nested Mama Prenatal & Postpartum Support.  When discussing the launch of my prenatal and postpartum doula support business with a dear friend, she mentioned how hard it is to ask for and accept help, even when you’ve just given birth.
She recalled how she didn’t even make use of all the postpartum visits that came with the birth doula package she purchased, because asking for and accepting help is that challenging for her. This, in turn, made me recall how this same friend had offered to bring me a meal after the birth of my youngest. And, then I remembered how I evaded and dismissed her generous offer - an offer I should have accepted with thankful enthusiasm. Why is it so hard to ask for help or to accept it when it is offered? Why couldn’t I simply say, yes, I’d love a meal next week and thank my friend? It is not that I was feeling like I had everything managed. On the contrary, I had three kids age four and under and no family in a four-hour radius. My spouse returned to work a week after Baby #3’s birth, leaving me at home all day with my three littles and a pelvic floor that needed several weeks of rest. On top of that, we’d moved into a new neighborhood in a new town just a few weeks earlier. I didn’t even know my next-door neighbor. The support my dear friend offered was exactly what I needed. Why do we, as mothers, feel like we have to go it alone when that is the opposite of what we need? Part of our national myth is the idea of rugged individualism. The self-made (wo)man whose ability to handle it all is a defining characteristic. Wow, that sounds terrible even as I type it. Let’s make a vow, shall we? Let us ask for the help we need. Let us accept it when it is offered. Because we need it, and we are worth it. And, we don’t have to go it alone. |
AuthorJohanna received a Ph.D. in English in 2014. Now a postpartum doula and educator of childbirth, breastfeeding, and infant sleep, she blogs about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting. 
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