Witching hour or as we call it in our house, “Unhappy Hour,” is that time when parental exhaustion meets baby’s desire to list all of the wrongs of the universe at the loudest possible volume. Baby standard time dictates when this will occur. With my oldest, her wind up began around 4:30 p.m. so that by the time my spouse returned from work, I was in desperate need of a hand off and hot shower. With my middle guy, 6:00 p.m. marked the beginning of unhappy hour, meaning bedtime for the oldest was often a juggling act of bouncing an unhappy baby and corralling a overtired toddler. Whether it occurs at 4 or 8 p.m., this tricky hour (or three) requires a basket of tricks and Nested Mama’s got a basket ready for you. In this three part series, I’ll share with you my favorite resources, tips, and sanity promoting approaches to surviving unhappy hour. Last week in Part 1, I shared with you some tips and tricks for making your way through this wonky time of day. This week, I’m sharing some ideas about relaxation and affirmation that can potentially alter your experience of the witching hour. RelaxationWhen you think about the experience of the witching hour with a tiny little one, relaxation is probably the last word that comes to mind. Maybe you are thinking, Johanna, you are absolutely nuts for even trying to put relaxation in the same sentence, even the same zip code, as this dreaded time of day. I hear you. I really do. And it makes good biological sense - we are programmed to hear our babies cry and have a corresponding response. Everything about their crying compels us to tend to them and meet their needs. If you are like me, often that tending comes with tense shoulders up to my ears, fast breathing, and a tightness in my chest when I’m in the thick of a late afternoon with a cranky baby. As you pace the floor, rock, nurse, and bounce, your way through this time of day, you can also take a moment and a breath. Right now, I want you to breathe with me. A nice big breath expanding your belly. Good. Now slowly let it out. That feels good, right? If you practice yoga, you know how important breath can be to find a sense of calm inside you. When in the thick of the witching hour, take that good deep breath. Now, let it out. Notice the tightness in your neck. Send you next exhale there. Note your shoulders. Help them drop down with your exhale. And so forth. It sounds so simple on paper, but it takes a combined focus of body and mind. And, it really does make a difference. Often when my babies were small and restless in my arms, I found that progressively relaxing my own body helped them, too. And, any space of calm and positivity you can carve for yourself into an otherwise less than wonderful time of day is a very good thing. AffirmationWhen tired at the end of a long day of parenting or facing what seems like a desert of time between wake up from nap and bedtime, my thoughts become filled with “shoulds” and with the shoulds come lots of frustration.
A good affirmation can stop those thoughts and change the direction of my mind. And, it can provide me a powerful touchstone when the day’s parenting has been more than a wee bit rough. Here are a few of my favorites -
Learning to practice relaxation and dig into some meaningful affirmations is well worth the effort. This is true for the witching hour, but it is also applicable to many moments beyond that time of day and phase of tiny baby life. Toddler throwing a tantrum with full on face-plant in the bank lobby? Breathe in and out. This is not an emergency. Trying to make dinner but life is one diaper explosion after epic nursing session after diaper explosion? Take a deep breath. This is tricky, not tragic. Feeling overwhelmed by parenting decisions x, y, and z? Breathe. I am enough. Kiddo losing it because he dropped the last jelly bean into the wasteland that is the back seat of your car? (And, if you are wondering, yes, this did just happen.) Breathe deep into your belly. I make space for my child’s feelings. Whatever parenting or other challenges life is throwing at you, breathe with me. You got this. Witching hour or as we call it in our house, “Unhappy Hour,” is that time when parental exhaustion meets baby’s desire to list all of the wrongs of the universe at the loudest possible volume. Baby standard time dictates when this will occur.
With my oldest, her wind up began around 4:30 p.m. so that by the time my spouse returned from work, I was in desperate need of a hand off and hot shower. With my middle guy, 6:00 p.m. marked the beginning of unhappy hour, meaning bedtime for the oldest was often a juggling act of bouncing an unhappy baby and corralling a overtired toddler. Whether it occurs at 4 or 8 p.m., this tricky hour (or three) requires a basket of tricks and Nested Mama’s got a basket ready for you. In this three part series, I’ll share with you my favorite resources, tips, and sanity promoting approaches to surviving unhappy hour. Part I: 7 Tips & Tricks to Survive the Witching Hour
Got any witching hour tips? Share them in the comments below. Looking for postpartum support? Learn more about Nested Mama Prenatal & Postpartum Support. When discussing the launch of my prenatal and postpartum doula support business with a dear friend, she mentioned how hard it is to ask for and accept help, even when you’ve just given birth.
She recalled how she didn’t even make use of all the postpartum visits that came with the birth doula package she purchased, because asking for and accepting help is that challenging for her. This, in turn, made me recall how this same friend had offered to bring me a meal after the birth of my youngest. And, then I remembered how I evaded and dismissed her generous offer - an offer I should have accepted with thankful enthusiasm. Why is it so hard to ask for help or to accept it when it is offered? Why couldn’t I simply say, yes, I’d love a meal next week and thank my friend? It is not that I was feeling like I had everything managed. On the contrary, I had three kids age four and under and no family in a four-hour radius. My spouse returned to work a week after Baby #3’s birth, leaving me at home all day with my three littles and a pelvic floor that needed several weeks of rest. On top of that, we’d moved into a new neighborhood in a new town just a few weeks earlier. I didn’t even know my next-door neighbor. The support my dear friend offered was exactly what I needed. Why do we, as mothers, feel like we have to go it alone when that is the opposite of what we need? Part of our national myth is the idea of rugged individualism. The self-made (wo)man whose ability to handle it all is a defining characteristic. Wow, that sounds terrible even as I type it. Let’s make a vow, shall we? Let us ask for the help we need. Let us accept it when it is offered. Because we need it, and we are worth it. And, we don’t have to go it alone. Before the birth of my first child, I thought I read ALL the books. In hindsight, I did read an impressive stack of material. But, most of it focused on pregnancy and childbirth and not the blurry, hazy, beauty of the early postpartum days. I’m sure I at least whizzed by some statements about biologically normal newborn sleep, but in no way did those statements prepare me for the reality of nighttime parenting in the weeks and months that followed baby’s birth. While sniffing that wonderful scent of newborn baby and gazing in rapt attention at my child’s adorable features, I also found myself - like most new mothers - completely and utterly exhausted.
I’m not here to share with you a magical recipe that allows you to bypass normal newborn behavior. Nope - newborns need us, day and night, and that’s okay. Instead, I’ve got five tips - some you can even do before baby is born - to give yourself a soft, fluffy cushion of support, and yes, get more sleep in the newborn days. Here are five things that you can do to improve your quality of sleep with a newborn baby -
Want to get more Nested Mama tips and tricks for postpartum life? Connect with Nested Mama. Looking for a holistic, evidence-based approach to family sleep? Nested Mama offers Infant Sleep Education workshops and consultations. Find out more here. |
AuthorJohanna received a Ph.D. in English in 2014. Now a postpartum doula and educator of childbirth, breastfeeding, and infant sleep, she blogs about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting. Archives
February 2021
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